And we’re back! Maddie, the unloved puppy dog is being underfoot, trying to horn in on some Sun Chips. What a little doggie skank!
OOh. Good point. Indianapolis sucks for resting their players and thus not going undefeated. Fuck you, Indy.
Also, I feel obliged to apologize to Boomer Esiason, who I’ve been referring to as Phil Simms all afternoon, even while he got called Boomer over and over again… My bad – the Phil Simms Iron Man Team threw me off my game. *headdesk*
Jim Nantz is going to be all over this Super Bowl. Really the best in the business. One good thing about the NFL on CBS is this guy. If only it was Nantz and Chris Collingsworth doing the game – really the perfect duo to do any football contest. If you disagree, then you’re probably wrong. Just saying.
God, More Tebow. Jesus Christ. Jesus. God. Yahweh. Allah. Just seeing that commercial makes me want to take the Lord’s name in vain over and over again.
Why the hell is The Who playing the Super Bowl in 2010? Was Frank Sinatra unavailable? I’m sick of watching geriatric rock stars whose fame is over at halftime. The Super Bowl is fun – not classic. I love the Who – I just don’t need to see them live any more. Sorry, Pete Townshend. Sorry, Roger Dalton. You’re too old! And half your band is dead.
“Brooklyn’s Finest” looks like a damn good cop movie, even if it is starring the Artist formerly known as Richard Gere. Where’d they dig that guy up from?!
Jesus H. Christ. God. Allah. Jesus. Yahweh.
Man. I want a job where people bring me pizza no matter if I’m awesome or not. Shannon Sharpe – trade me! Now! I want pizza!
E*Trade Baby makes a guest appearance! I love E*trade Baby… Shankopotamus.
Reggie Bush is going to be awesome after he’s done with football. Hopefully he’ll take Shannon Sharpe’s job. Or Boomer’s. Man I hate them!
You know what I think about when I’m watching the Super Bowl pregame? “How is Barack Obama going to re-start the Health Care plan?” Time and Place, CBS. Ask him who he thinks he’s going to win, let him dodge the question so he doesn’t make it awkward if he’s wrong when the team which wins tonight meets him at the White House, and let’s move on. It’s a tradition we’ve mastered, yet never touch. The State of the Union was a week and a half ago, for Christ’s sake! Who Dat! Who Dat!
Next time, send James Brown instead of Katie Couric. This interview has been all politics, and I wants me my football, DAMMIT!
Blah blah blah blah blah. Jeez, louise. Ask him about football. Right now. It’s a Football Day! THE fucking Football Day! Couric, you’re sucking the joy out of Super Bowl Sunday. Knock it the fuck off. Right now.
Empire, we officially ally ourselves with the Slapaho tribe.
DEAR JESUS! IT’S A FOOTBALL QUESTION! “Who do you think will win? And why?” “I think the Colts need to be favored, maybe because they have the best Quarterback, in History. I mean, Peyton Manning is unbelievable, and they have a team with complete confidence in him. Everybody knows the system, there’s enormous continuity with that team. So, they are tough. I do have a soft spot in my heart for New Orleans – mainly because of what that city’s been through over these last several years and how much that team means to them.”
“But I would say the Colts have to be favored. One other factor I have to consider, is that when my Bears went to the Super Bowl a couple years ago, it was the Colts that beat ‘em, so I have a bit of an axe to grind there.”
And… Commercial. One question about football, thrown in as an afterthought. Fuck you, Katie Couric.
Some old guy (Steve Winwood) sings some song nobody’s ever heard of (“Bring me a Higher Love”, but is apparently one of his “Hits.” This is how you get out of your Katie Couric funk, CBS? I’m losing confidence in your capabilities, and very, very quickly.
Coach Cowher’s in jail with Plaxico Burress – when we get back from this break. Of course there’s a commercial. Grr. I’m surprised Tony Dungy isn’t involved somehow, though.
“mmm… Peyton Manning. Not even hot, but his… bearing makes him sexy. In My mind.” — The Imperial Mother.
Bill Cowher is TALL! Like, nearly as tall as the 6’6″ Plaxico Burress. Wow. Did not ever notice that.
“The first thing I do, when I wake up, is I just get on my knees and pray.” — Plaxico Burress. Sorry, is that what they’re calling it in prison these days? Sorry, I can’t not make that joke.
Phil Mickelson’s New Diablo Edge driver says the New Orleans Saints will win, via the ball with N.O. written on it going farther after he hits it. Wowza. If Lefty hits it, it must be true. I read it in a book somewhere.
“He is the cutest little shit. Goood!” — The Imperial Mother, on 4 year old Peyton Manning. I think she’s developing a big ol’ fashioned crush!
“I never defended the decision, so much as accepted the decision, and we moved on from it.” — Peyton Manning, on not pursuing 19-0. He might as well come out and call Jim Caldwell an “Idiot Coach.” We all know he’s thinking it.
Archie Manning appearances start! We’re at 1! He’s rooting for the Colts, but calls the Saints “We.” Bullshit, Archie. We know your blood is bleeding gold and not blue.
Oh… Miss South Carolina 2007. Is it really you on the Amazing Race? Is it true? It is! She’s totally going to be abducted in Laos or Malaysia and sold for her idiot little parts. I can’t wait! Does that make me a bad person? No matter. Onwards!
The Stadium is filling up, now. Man, I wish I were famous and could afford to go to the Super Bowl.
Nooo. Katie Couric is back to talk to Drew Brees. Ugh. Football! Football! Football! Nope. Time for another piece on how New Orleans was destroyed in 2005. Sad and all, but I’ve had enough. I want my football, and I want in depth predictions on who’s going to win, how many yards Peyton’s going to pass for, how many touchdowns Reggie Bush is going to score, and how many points the Saints are going to score. How hard is that, CBS? I don’t remember NBC wasting everyone’s time last year! (Of course, they probably did.)
I remember lots of interviews with Network celebrities on their thoughts on the game. I liked that. NBC just does football better, pregames included. CBS – you officially suck. Give up your AFC contract, please, and the Super Bowl as well. Gracias.
Hehe… Brees-us. Nice, N’awlins. Nice. Drew Brees’ wife is pretty damn cute, too. NICE! I choose NFL quarterback as my reason for fame.
Their dedication to avoiding Brees’ birthmark during this piece is pretty remarkable – I wonder if he had anything to do with it.
Okay, seems to be gearing up towards the ‘kickoff’ show. Predictions after another commercial break.
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Okay! First up is…
Dan Marino. His call: 33-30 Indy over N’Awlins in OT. Who Dat cheers rock the stadium. The white jerseys are the de facto home team.
Bill Cowher. His call: 27-24 N’Awlins, with a Union Jack Who Dat!
Shannon Sharpe. His call: 34-28 Indy, despite Reggie Bush taking a punt back to take the lead late.
Boomer. His call: 34-30 Indy.
My call? New Orleans. 41-31. New Orleans puts the dagger in the Colts with a late game drive.
Immediate pregame and kickoff up next! Team Intros, National Anthem, the works.
