Super Bowl XLIV, Second Half

Our 2nd Half coverage opens up with a look at “The Backup Plan”, J-Lo’s ass’ return to the big screen.

Followed by an Air Force Reserve ad, and then Miller High Life’s first introduction, “Giving up their commercial to help out small business friends.”

Old Qwest ad w/ French language and classes.  Boring!  Silly locals.

Jay Z is back for the end of ‘Run this Town’ before the 2nd half.  Nice.

SAINTS RECOVER AN ONSIDE KICK TO OPEN THE 2ND HALF!  Sure looked like White ball.  It’s buried in the pile!

SAINTS BALL! SAINTS BALL!

Payton showing that sometimes you need a set of Big Brass ones to win the Super Bowl!  Geaux Saints! Johnathan Casillas with the recovery!

PT Cruiser with a checkdown, 12 yards to the Colts 45.  First down!  Henderson for 9.999 yards.  2nd down coming.  Henderson catches it twice, 1st down again.  Freeney’s getting re-taped on the sideline.

Peyton looks FURIOUS.  He might eat Jim Caldwell any second now.  Colston for 9.9999 yards.  Saints are killing the Colts with that play.

PT Cruiser gets the first down with a 7 yard pickup on the jog, per usual.  Screen to him, TOUCHDOWN SAINTS!!!!!!!!!  Boom Baby!!! Geaux Saints!  13-10 with Hartley’s PAT.

Sean Payton.  Big.  Brass.  Ones.

An Ad for Prince of Persia, starring Jake Gyllenhaal, which they filmed a long time ago.  Looks as badass as the video games.

Now Megan Fox sending pictures of her in the bath, looking super sexy.  An Ad for Motorola, I guess?

A chicken playing pool is apparently an advertise for Denny’s.

“Hey Ladies.  Call Barney Stinson. 1-877-987-6401″

Kickoff to the 6 to the Colts’ Chad Simpson, who returns it to the 23.

How big of a set of brass balls was that onsides kick?  The first non-4th quarter Onside kick… in the history of the Super Bowl.

Time for the Saints to step up, after giving up a first down to Dallas Clark.  Addai with an 11 yard run.

Addai with a 6 yard run.   Wow.  The Peyton 2000 is marching right down the field.

Colts 3rd and 5 from the 15.  Peyton 2000 in the shottie.  No one else in the backfield.  Tosses to Clark – First and Goal from the 4.  TD Joseph Addai.  Colts 17, N’Awlins 13.  What a ballgame!

Michelob Ultra sends out Lance Armstrong to convince us the badass athletes drink Michelob Ultra.

Chevy Chase comes out to speak against shady hotels for Homeaway.com.

Super Hot chick in rainy leather for Bridgestone, who is apparently attacking this super bowl with a fierce passion.

Now KGB makes an appearance with our favorite underrated Hot Chick, two nerdy dudes, and a Sumo Wrestler.  Huzzah!

Courtney Roby with another big old return, now back to commercials.

Nighttime Safari, anyone?  Bump into elephants while sleep walking when you drink Coca-Cola.  Also, pet hyenas, and walk across canoes as they cross hippo-infested rivers.

E*Trade baby!  Wolf-style, to impress a chick.

Saints from the 34.  PT Cruiser picks up 5 yards.  Mutant Reggie Bush with a check down takes it to the Colts’ 48.  Eeep!  Check Down to Reggie Bush bounces off his hands towards Clint Sessions.  Yipes!  Almost a TAINT.

Fake Draw to Mutant Reggie Bush, comeback throw to Devery Henderson, who’s having a nice game.  Toss over to Meachem for…. 1 yard, maybe?  barely anything.  PT Cruiser picks up 3.

Shockey to the 29, another long field goal for Hartley?  This one would be a super-bowl record 3 of over 40, Hartley… DRILLS ANOTHER ONE.  Historically proficient, is the young fella.  17-16, Indy still with the lead.

Boring Commercials – not really remembering what they’re representing there.  Still waiting for the Ads to take it to 11.

This kick is taken from deep in the end zone, but not really taken out to make it worth it. Colts ball at the 11!

The ad with all the cartoon characters and toys that isn’t new, but is an advertisement for the Kia Sorento.  *yawn*

Budweiser Select 55 shows off a condensationy bottle.  Lame ad, but I haven’t seen it before.

Colts open off with a pass for 9 yards, then their loose huddle offense where Peyton calls the plays where he wants to.  Donald Brown the deep back, he takes it for 5 yards and a first down.  The Colts are really running the ball well tonight.

4 Yards to Collie, whose the handsomest Mormom since Steve Young.

Jack in The Box makes an appearance after a lame ad for the Masters.  He bungee jumps and gets his ice-cream cone head stuck in the ground.

Another Air Force Reserve ad.

Garcon is wide open, and is marching down the field at the behest of Peyton 2000.  Addai stopped for a loss of 2.  Finally, the Saints D borrows Payton’s big brass ones and slows the Colts down a bit.

Stat block – Peyton and Brees are 1 and 2 in 4th quarter QB rating, at 115.4 and 113.5.  Damn!

Reggie Wayne’s been quiet tonight, lining up across from the awesomely haired Terry Porter.  3rd and long, throw over to Wayne for a 10 yard gain.  Peyton lines it up from 4th and 2, screen over to Wayne, who catches it on the quick slant.  Colts ball at the 32 of New Orleans.  1st and 10.

Wide Receiver Screen on 2nd down, eaten alive by Malcolm Jenkins!  Austin Collie gets swapped to Defense, knocks the ball away from Jon Vilma on 3rd down.  Stover from 51 yards.  No good.  Wide Left!!!  Saints Ball.  10:30 left in the game.

Beyonce is dancing for Wifi’s advertisement.  Also Dramatic Gopher.  and Ninjas.  And Aliens.  And Numa Numa guy.  And Facebook.  All for Vizio and their new Internet function.

Awesome + Awesome = Awesomer.  Thanks Pop Secret.

So far, Doritos is crushing in the best ad competition.  With reckless abandon.

Drew Brees with the ball at Indy’s 41.  Long run by Mutant Reggie Bush to open things off, taking the ball to Colts territory.

Peyton 2000 is about to be set to destroy mode – the Saints need to eat the clock here, as well as score.  Definitely a TD, definitely a 2 PAT.  Saints with 1st and 10 from the Colts’ 36.  Over to Mutant Reggie Bush for an 8 yard gain.  Colston at the 19, Saints in the Red Zone again.    Meachem on the scree, the ball down near the 14.

Pass to Thomas, 1st and goal from the 5!  PT Cruiser totes it to the 2!    TOUCHDOWN NEW ORLEANS!  JEREMY SHOCKEY!!!!!  The Offense stays on the field, as the Chart says to take 2 in this situation.  To make it 24-17, Drew Brees with a bunch formation right.  toss to Moore, but dropped.  Damn it!  Oh wait!  That replay looks like he had control and was across, and then the colt kicked it out of his hand.  The Saints ought to review that one.

A Calf wants to be a clydesdale for Budweiser, and we have the Clydesdale commercial.  “Nothing comes between Friends.”

The Saints are challenging the play on the field, this may be overturned, and make it 24-17.  2 POINTS!  GEAUX SAINTS!!!!!

Another Chicken commercial for Denny’s… but now with presidential chickens.

An add with tatoos on their faces for the show Criminal Minds – also known as the inferior Precursor to ‘Lie to Me”.

Colts ball at their 30 – best field position of the half, at least.  I think the day.  False Start added on to the very low number of penalties called and enforced so far.

Peyton 2000 just knitted a scarf, took his daily job, took a quick nap… and then found Carcon for a first down.

Oooh.. Malcom Jenkins almost took one away from Peyton!  Off his fingertips – that’s why he plays defense.

The Defense Death Robot recovers well, and has the Colts Marching again.

Yikes!  The Saints Defensive Tackle, Anthony Hargrove, is down.  Bad News!  Bad News!

YEAH YEAH Y:EAH SAINTS TAINT!!!!!!  TOUCHDOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Boo!  YEAH BABY!  Tracy Porter takes Peyton 2000 to the HOUSE!  His Hair made him do it.

Another New Doritos ad, with some sort of 80s workout and awesome nunchaku Dorito gy.

Geaux Saints!

Kickoff is 1 yard deep.  Holding on the Colts brings the ball back to – deep in their own territory, again.

Bud Light is back, with some sort of Hot Chick book club advertisement.

E*Trade baby is back, with 4 friends who all suck at Investments.

Boo Yeah!  Geaux Saints!  Dallas Clark drops it!   NOw he was wide open, ball out to the Colts’ 30, but tackled in bounds.

Go Daddy is back after the same lame shape-ups ad.  Are Go-Daddy ads too hot?  See there sight for more information.

Peyton 2000 checks to Addai, hurries up to check to him again.  Flag down on the play!

Interception in the End Zone!  Flag on the play!

Garcon pushed off, but he got Greer out of bounds so the INT doesn’t count.

Checkdown to Addai again.  Colts at the 3.  Ball tipped off the goal posts – Out of Bounds.

Addai stuffed at the five!    4th and goal!

PEYTON INCOMPLETE OVER THE MIDDLE!

THE SAINTS WIN!  SAINTS WIN!  SAINTS WIN!  SAINTS WIN!  SAINTS WIN!

DELIRIUM ON BOURBON STREET!

Victory Formation for Drewbie Drewbie Drew!!!!!  SAINTS WIN!  The Gatorade Bath!  The Saints WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111!!!

YEAH BUDDY!  SING IT WITH ME!

OH WHEN THE SAINTS!

GO MARCHING IN!

OH WHEN THE SAINTS GO MARCHING IN!

OH LORD I WANT

TO BE, IN THAT NUMBER!

WHEN THE SAINTS GO MARCHING IN!!!!

Super Bowl XLIV, Kickoff and First Half

Run This Town, Jay Z!  What a song for the Super Bowl opening.  With an orchestra back, and conducted by Hove himself.  CBS makes a turn for the bad-ass.  Who wants the Who instead of this guy at halftime, again?

Who gonn’ run this town tonight?  An entire city vs. Peyton Manning.  Who Dat!  Who Dat!  Who Dat Think they gonn’ beat them Saints!

Jim Nantz and the schlub Phil Simms are calling the Super Bowl.

New Orleans is first on the field, with quite the ‘Who Dat’ montage.  All the players are talking, but none of their words are recorded.

Now it’s Indy, and they’re a little better picked up by the microphones.  Led onto the field by… not Peyton.  What the hell?

Solomon Wilcots and Steve Tasker are the sideline reporters?  But….  Sam Ryan!  *sniff*

Do these count as Super Bowl commercials?  I wonder, because Pizza Hut’s ad isn’t new, and neither is Geico’s.  I hope not – non new commercials are LAME.

Walter Payton Man of the Year nominees – London Fletcher, LB, Washington.  Mike Furrey, WR/S, Cleveland.  Brian Waters, G, Kansas City.   All deserving.  All from shitty teams – perhaps they need to focus a little more on football and less on being amazing people.

The winner is…. Brian Waters, of the Kansas City Chiefs!  Congratulations!  Your team was 4-12.

Queen Latifah is here to sing America the Beautiful.  I thought she was a rapper?  And she’s accompanied by some combination choir, made up of brats and adults alike.  Then she goes all gangsta on its end.  Not surprising.  And now, the real show.

Our National Anthem, sung today by none other than your future Empress, Carrie Underwood.  Can we just sign her up to sing every National Anthem, ever, from now until she’s unable to sing?  Her voice is like honey and blowjobs combined.

Saints players are crying and singing along.  Colts players are looking on stoicly.  Geaux Saints!  I’m officially committed.  41-31 N’Awlins, baby!

Avatar: The Last Windbender is being made into a movie directed by M. Night Shyamalan.  Badass, sir.  Excellent first commercial.

Oh – and here’s the LeBron and Dwight McDonald’s Horse commercial.  Some sick shit being thrown down – and Dwight breaks the backboard, only to have Larry Legend steal his lunch.  Badass!

The Coin Toss now, accompanied by the Hall of Fame class of 2010: Ricky Jackson, Russ Grimm, John Randle, Floyd Little, Dick LeBeau, some dude named Jerry Rice (?), and Emmitt Smith (who?).  New Orleans is the visitors.  Indy the home team.  Emmitt’s here to flip the coin.  New Orleans calls Heads (wtf!)

It is a Head!  New Orleans takes the ball!  Take a seat, Peyton.

Commercials:

Hyundai has a boring add for the new Sonata, with lots of praise for it.

Kickoff.  Matt Stover to boot it for the Colts.  He puts it to the 3, returned by Courtney Roby to the 23.  Drew Brees and the unstoppable Jesus Juggernauts take the field, baby!  Reggie Bush gets the start at RB.

Injured Dwight Freeney is on the field.  The PT Cruiser gets the handoff and jog-glides forward for a gain of 2.  Then it’s slung over to him on a checkdown for a gain of 6.  3rd and 2, N’Awlins!!!  Dwight Freeney isn’t Dwight Freeney today – Brees would have been sacked if he were.  Brees deep and misses Meachem on 3rd and 2.  Bummer!

Punt by Morestead to T.J. Rushing who is tackled IMMEDIATELY by Courtney Roby, special teams wunderkind for the Saints against his former team.

Peyton takes the field for the frist time against his boyhood team.  Damn!  First town to Dallas Clark, gain of 16.

Huge hit by Roman Harper on 2nd down on Joe Addai.  DAMN!  Ass over teakettle, for sure.  Followed by another short pass to Clark for the 1st.  At NO 42 – incomplete to Clark.

Screen to Garcon, Indy’s play A – 3 yard gain.  3rd down!  Floats it to Collie… First Down!  The Colts pretending they’re alive with this drive, it’s actually exciting, unlike all of their drives against the J! E! T! S! last week.

The Imperial Step-father brought a Michelob Winter’s Bourbon Cask Ale home for me, and it isn’t unpleasant.  Pretty good for a major-brewery contribution.  Bourbon casks, hint of vanilla beans.

Stover’s on to kick the Field Goal… 3-0 Colts.  Easy Peasy.

Bud Light’s commercial advertises a Bud Light house, made out of Bud Light cans.  Not too shabby.

Betty White is playing football.  “She’s playing like Betty White out there.”  Snickers delivers.  I repeat – Betty White is playing football.

Jesus H. Christ.  Yahweh.  God. Allah.  Jesus.  Fuck you, Tim Tebow.

Okay, apparently this kickoff guy isn’t Matt Stover, but is Indy’s punter.  Roby is out to the 28, and FUMBLES!  Saints recover immediately, though he’d have been ruled down on review.

Boost Mobile gets the 85 Bears back around to recreate the Super Bowl Shuffle… lame!  Not nearly as good.

Doritos! Solid performance, with a dog putting his anti-bark collar on a human taunting him with Doritos with ‘Speak’ commands…

Brees – quit throwing it to the PT Cruiser until he commits to sprinting.   2nd down is a toss to Colston for 4 yards.  See, Drewbie Drewbie Drew – Mutant Reggie Bush picks up 16 on 3rd and 6.  Throw it to THAT guy!

Mutant Reggie Bush picks up 3 on the ground on first down.  Ach!  Colston brickhands an easy one.  Damn it.  And again on 3rd down.  Stupid!

Ah… Defense broke it up.  Not a drop, then.  Excellent, though the Saints still have to punt again.

Downed at the 4!  Courtney Roby, baby!  Every special teams play so far he’s been involved with.

Robin Hood Trailer.  Excellent.  Though I refuse to believe Cate Blanchett as ‘Maid’ Marion.  She’s old!

Doritos again!  A little kid slaps a dude over to take his mom on a date, who then tries to take one of his chips.  Nice!

Bud Light + Science Nerds = party time, apparently!

First down on the first play back.  Addai gashes N’Awlins for 16 on the ensuing 2nd down.

No penalties yet.  12 yards for Addai on 1st down.  Wow.  The Colts run the ball?  I’m as surprised as New Orleans!

Reggie Wayne’s first catch is a 5 yard gain.  Donald Brown picks up 4 and crosses the 50 on 2nd down.

Addai to the Saints 22!  Indy runs the inside trap, full-backless edition.  Season Long 26 yard run by Addai.

The Saints’ D-Coordinator, Gregg Williams, promised to give Peyton some remember me hits.  And thus far they are.  Peyton’s been hit every passing play so far.  Unfortunately it’s leaving them open to runs.  TOUCHDOWN INDIANAPOLIS!!  Peyton to Garcon.  Indy 10-0 after a Stover PAT.  Man I look stupid…

The Coke Simpsons Commercial… Mr. Burns feels all left out.  Until Abu gives him a coke and everyone is happy.

Go Daddy shows up, with Danica Patrick and a masseuse.  Like all GoDaddy ads, I just feel sad after it ends prematurely.

Holding on the Saints – Penalty count goes to 1!  Drewbie Drewbie Drew and the Saints are backed up.

ANOTHER Doritos new add.  Dude fakes his death and is buried surrounded by Doritos and with an assist from his buddies sells a miracle.

Bud Light picks it up with some T-Pain voice electrification (?) in the vein of their wassup ads.

Monster has a violinist Beaver.

The Wolfman with a shorter, new trailer.

One Mike Bell run later, and it’s the 2nd quarter.

An Orca Whale stars in the ad for Bridgestone Tires.  “Now that, was a bachelor party.”

Reebok Shape-ups thinks we’ll believe a football player wears them.  Bullshit flag, 10 dollar penalty.

Cars.com fails to do something new with their ad this year, merely updating their awesome kid makes good, still nervous about cars ad.

Uh-oh.  Largest deficit overcome to win is 10 points, also.

Colston Caught it!!!!!  First down, Saints!  Personal Foul on the Colts!!!!!! Hit out of bounds on Mutant Reggie Bush!!!! First down, Saints, at the 50.  Drew Brees checks it to the PT Cruiser, who jogs it out for 9 yards.

First sack of the game is by none other than the injured Dwight Freeney, drawing Drewbie Drewbie Drew down at the 30.  Field goal kick is good.  10-3 Indy.

First Commercial is some sort of awesome human bridge created for Budweiser when the bridge is out.  Wow!

That new movie with DiCaprio by Scorsese. Shutter Island.

Mark Sanchez for CBS Cares.

Career Builder supports Casual week, not casual Friday.

“I wear no pants” – Calling all men.  It’s time to wear the pants.  The Docker’s free pants ad.  I miss my chance.

Peyton from the 21.  First down by running again.

Garcon drops another one, trying to show Marques Colston exactly how it’s done.  Colts to punt.

Commercial 1 – Lost recreation, except that someone saves the Bud Light from the fridge, and all the castaways celebrate instead of trying to survive.  They also make the lady who saves the radio feel bad when they have it play music.

then some boring ass Dove Men’s add.

TERRY PORTER’S HAIR IS AWESOME!  He has it shaved all Super Bowl XLIV like.  Eeek.  Drewbie Drewbie Drew almost throws an INT when he chucks it WAY over Shockey’s head.  Responds by chucking it over to the PT Cruiser for a gain of 7.

First down to Colston.  The Saints are Marching In!

Old Reggie Bush trips over the 48 yard line – No Gain.  Shockey into Colts Territory, but a few yards short of the first down.

Lance Moore for 21 deep into Colts territory, ball down at the 22.5.  Oh When the Saints!

Reverse to Meachem, loss of… 8?  Ouch.  This is the Super Bowl, not the Kansas City Chiefs.  Loss of 7, officially.

Colston inside the 5 to the 3!  I want to be in that number!

No gain on a pass to Lance Moore on first down.   3rd and goal from the 1.  Fortune Favors The BOLD!

TV Timeout.  commercial displaying boring guys, who acquiesce to everything asked of them.  In order to get a Dodge Charger – Man’s Last Stand.

Teleflora.com can afford Super Bowl ad space?  Holy crap!

Papa John’s’ ads are still boring, but their pizza is delicious, and so I forgive them!

Drew Brees is on the field after the TV Timeout.  2 minute warning.  Mutant Reggie Bush on the sideline, handoff to Mike Bell, who falls.  Lamedammit.  Another commercial before 4th and Goal…

Alice in Wonderland trailer.

Dr. Pepper with more Kiss commercials, including Midget Kiss!

Puxsutawney Polamalu for NFL network/Tru TV.  Nice.

Saints go for it, and the PT Cruiser is denied!  ACH!  Colts ball at the 1.  Fullback dive to Mike Hart, out to the 5.

An Ad for Disney?  Harry Potter? Six Flags?  Universal Orlando.  No wonder it’s so expensive.

Saints stop the Colts on 3rd down.  Drew’ll get another crack at it.

News!  Mom timed dinner for halftime exactly.  Ballin!!!!!!!

Jim Nantz has an injury report for a guy whose spine was removed, for the FloTV mobile TV.  Neat device, but portable TVs are old news.  McAfee is the punter, from inside his own end zone.  OUt to the Saints 48, where Reggie Bush fair catches it.

Deep pass to the Colts 32 to Devery Henderson.  Saints finally in Field Goal position.  20 seconds left, one timeout.  Henderson again to the 28.  Timeout.

Intel ad for Intel building awesome servant robots?  Nope, noew Intel processors are out.  Buy yours now.

Saints out of timeouts.  11 seconds.  Mutant Reggie Bush picks up a yard.  Hartley on to try to make it 10-6 Indy.  Why is this game low-scoring?!  Drills the field goal.  This kid doesn’t fuck around.

Live Blog Super Bowl XLIV Pregame, continued

And we’re back!  Maddie, the unloved puppy dog is being underfoot, trying to horn in on some Sun Chips.  What a little doggie skank!

OOh.  Good point.  Indianapolis sucks for resting their players and thus not going undefeated.  Fuck you, Indy.

Also, I feel obliged to apologize to Boomer Esiason, who I’ve been referring to as Phil Simms all afternoon, even while he got called Boomer over and over again… My bad – the Phil Simms Iron Man Team threw me off my game.  *headdesk*

Jim Nantz is going to be all over this Super Bowl.  Really the best in the business.  One good thing about the NFL on CBS is this guy.  If only it was Nantz and Chris Collingsworth doing the game – really the perfect duo to do any football contest.  If you disagree, then you’re probably wrong.  Just saying.

God, More Tebow.  Jesus Christ.  Jesus.  God.  Yahweh.  Allah.  Just seeing that commercial makes me want to take the Lord’s name in vain over and over again.

Why the hell is The Who playing the Super Bowl in 2010?    Was Frank Sinatra unavailable?  I’m sick of watching geriatric rock stars whose fame is over at halftime.  The Super Bowl is fun – not classic.  I love the Who – I just don’t need to see them live any more.  Sorry, Pete Townshend.  Sorry,  Roger Dalton.   You’re too old!  And half your band is dead.

“Brooklyn’s Finest” looks like a damn good cop movie, even if it is starring the Artist formerly known as Richard Gere.  Where’d they dig that guy up from?!

Jesus H. Christ.  God.  Allah.  Jesus.  Yahweh.

Man.  I want a job where people bring me pizza no matter if I’m awesome or not.  Shannon Sharpe – trade me!  Now!  I want pizza!

E*Trade Baby makes a guest appearance!  I love E*trade Baby…  Shankopotamus.

Reggie Bush is going to be awesome after he’s done with football.  Hopefully he’ll take Shannon Sharpe’s job.  Or Boomer’s.  Man I hate them!

You know what I think about when I’m watching the Super Bowl pregame?  “How is Barack Obama going to re-start the Health Care plan?”  Time and Place, CBS.  Ask him who he thinks he’s going to win, let him dodge the question so he doesn’t make it awkward if he’s wrong when the team which wins tonight meets him at the White House, and let’s move on.  It’s a tradition we’ve mastered, yet never touch.  The State of the Union was a week and a half ago, for Christ’s sake!  Who Dat!  Who Dat!

Next time, send James Brown instead of Katie Couric.  This interview has been all politics, and I wants me my football, DAMMIT!

Blah blah blah blah blah.  Jeez, louise.  Ask him about football.  Right now.  It’s a Football Day!  THE fucking Football Day!  Couric, you’re sucking the joy out of Super Bowl Sunday.  Knock it the fuck off.  Right now.

Empire, we officially ally ourselves with the Slapaho tribe.

DEAR JESUS!  IT’S A FOOTBALL QUESTION!  “Who do you think will win?  And why?”  “I think the Colts need to be favored, maybe because they have the best Quarterback, in History.  I mean, Peyton Manning is unbelievable, and they have a team with complete confidence in him.  Everybody knows the system, there’s enormous continuity with that team.  So, they are tough.  I do have a soft spot in my heart for New Orleans – mainly because of what that city’s been through over these last several years and how much that team means to them.”

“But I would say the Colts have to be favored.  One other factor I have to consider, is that when my Bears went to the Super Bowl a couple years ago, it was the Colts that beat ‘em, so I have a bit of an axe to grind there.”

And… Commercial.  One question about football, thrown in as an afterthought.  Fuck you, Katie Couric.

Some old guy (Steve Winwood) sings some song nobody’s ever heard of (“Bring me a Higher Love”, but is apparently one of his “Hits.”  This is how you get out of your Katie Couric funk, CBS?  I’m losing confidence in your capabilities, and very, very quickly.

Coach Cowher’s in jail with Plaxico Burress – when we get back from this break.  Of course there’s a commercial.  Grr.  I’m surprised Tony Dungy isn’t involved somehow, though.

“mmm… Peyton Manning.  Not even hot, but his… bearing makes him sexy.  In My mind.” — The Imperial Mother.

Bill Cowher is TALL!  Like, nearly as tall as the 6’6″ Plaxico Burress.  Wow.  Did not ever notice that.

“The first thing I do, when I wake up, is I just get on my knees and pray.” — Plaxico Burress.  Sorry, is that what they’re calling it in prison these days?  Sorry, I can’t not make that joke.

Phil Mickelson’s New Diablo Edge driver says the New Orleans Saints will win, via the ball with N.O. written on it going farther after he hits it.  Wowza.  If Lefty hits it, it must be true.  I read it in a book somewhere.

“He is the cutest little shit.  Goood!” — The Imperial Mother, on 4 year old Peyton Manning.  I think she’s developing a big ol’ fashioned crush!

“I never defended the decision, so much as accepted the decision, and we moved on from it.” — Peyton Manning, on not pursuing 19-0.  He might as well come out and call Jim Caldwell an “Idiot Coach.”  We all know he’s thinking it.

Archie Manning appearances start!  We’re at 1!  He’s rooting for the Colts, but calls the Saints “We.”  Bullshit, Archie.  We know your blood is bleeding gold and not blue.

Oh… Miss South Carolina 2007.  Is it really you on the Amazing Race?  Is it true?  It is!  She’s totally going to be abducted in Laos or Malaysia and sold for her idiot little parts.  I can’t wait!  Does that make me a bad person?  No matter.  Onwards!

The Stadium is filling up, now.  Man, I wish I were famous and could afford to go to the Super Bowl.

Nooo.  Katie Couric is back to talk to Drew Brees.  Ugh.  Football!  Football!  Football!  Nope.  Time for another piece on how New Orleans was destroyed in 2005.  Sad and all, but I’ve had enough.  I want my football, and I want in depth predictions on who’s going to win, how many yards Peyton’s going to pass for, how many touchdowns Reggie Bush is going to score, and how many points the Saints are going to score.  How hard is that, CBS?  I don’t remember NBC wasting everyone’s time last year!  (Of course, they probably did.)

I remember lots of interviews with Network celebrities on their thoughts on the game.  I liked that.  NBC just does football better, pregames included.  CBS – you officially suck.  Give up your AFC contract, please, and the Super Bowl as well.  Gracias.

Hehe… Brees-us.  Nice, N’awlins.  Nice.  Drew Brees’ wife is pretty damn cute, too.  NICE!  I choose NFL quarterback as my reason for fame.

Their dedication to avoiding Brees’ birthmark during this piece is pretty remarkable – I wonder if he had anything to do with it.

Okay, seems to be gearing up towards the ‘kickoff’ show.  Predictions after another commercial break.

…

…

Okay!  First up is…

Dan Marino.  His call: 33-30 Indy over N’Awlins in OT.  Who Dat cheers rock the stadium.  The white jerseys are the de facto home team.

Bill Cowher.  His call: 27-24 N’Awlins, with a Union Jack Who Dat!

Shannon Sharpe.  His call: 34-28 Indy, despite Reggie Bush taking a punt back to take the lead late.

Boomer.  His call: 34-30 Indy.

My call?  New Orleans.  41-31.  New Orleans puts the dagger in the Colts with a late game drive.

Immediate pregame and kickoff up next!  Team Intros, National Anthem, the works.

Live Blog – Super Bowl XLIV Pregame

Okay.  Woke up this morning, and enjoyed the shit out of Sportsnation’s Super Bowl Morning show, though I do enjoy ‘End of the Day’ and they didn’t do that this week.

Okay, I pick up from the coverage on CBS of Phil Simms’ All-Iron Team, where he assembles the most bad-ass of all the players to ever play in the Super Bowl, complete with a Caveman commercial to kick it off.

First player – Joe Jacoby, former Washington Redskin, former Hog, and teammate of brand new Pro Football Hall of Famer Russ Grimm.  Offensive Lineman.

Next up – Adam Vinatieri, Kicker, New England Patriot – he would earn a Ring if the Colts win today.  Beat the Rams with his magic leg.  Obviously the choice here.  Next!

Alright, apparently this Caveman thing is going to keep happening.  *Yawn*

Well, apparently I needed to pay attention to this show beforehand, since I picked it up midway…  The last position, apparently, is QB – Joe Montana.  Way to throw your neck on the line, Phil.  Again, a real obvious decision.  Is there a reason the naming of this team is televised?

The complete team is… apparently not being recapped at the end of the show in which they’re named.  Can CBS do anything right?

News!  Rules of Engagement is taking Accidentally on Purpose’s slot on Monday Nights on CBS…  No idea whether that means Accidentally was cancelled or not.

Shannon Sharpe -  “Peyton stands more to lose with a loss today than he stands to gain with a win.”  Bullshit.  If Peyton loses today, he doesn’t lose a goddamn thing.  He’s already the greatest Quarterback to ever play.  Watch him, for Christ’s sake!  Peyton Manning is a robot designed to embarrass NFL defenses.

Sun Life stadium (Previously known as Land Shark stadium as recently as the NFL Regular season) looks gorgeous, and the weather in Miami makes me want to move there.  I mean…. Damn.  Snowbirds are thinking clearly, while the rest of us are probably just confused.

Eww.  First Tim Tebow anti-abortion commercial I’ve seen.  Boring!  And you know what – who the fuck cares when Tim Tebow gets drafted this April?  He’s going to be rich as hell before he takes a snap from shit like this anyway, not to mention future real commercials.

Hello Sam Ryan – you’re looking good today.  Very Smart.  Excuse me, but I need a moment.

Man, CBS’ pregame should be good.  Except that the left side (JB, Marino, Cowher) makes the right side (Sharpe, Simms) look like idiots.  It’s just a profound difference in capability.  That’s right… PROFOUND.  Cut out the S’s and you’d have a damn fine 3-man pregame show.

Though, Sharpe does do really well in their pieces where they need someone to interact with ‘real’ people – the stints where they interact with fans.

Oooh.  I Love Sweet Tea.  Does anyone know if McDonald’s Sweet Tea is any good?  Please Comment with the goods, internet.

Dick Enberg!  Hey, let’s class the place up!  He just handsomes up the place.  Kind of like how I handsome up the internet.  Too bad they seem to be using him only to introduce a bit on this kid, Thamail Morgan, from Arkansas, and Kimble … something who died in a car wreck.  Their teams played each other to open the season, and Thamail’s team was spanking them.  Thamail kneeled away a sure TD at the end of the game, the picture of sportsmanship – from a kid who’d been kicked out of his last school for failing two drug tests.  Awesome.

Thamail is being recruited, again, by a whole bunch of schools.  His 3 offers so far come from Alcorn State, Louisiana Tech,  and Memphis.   Turns out some kids need to just be taken out to the sticks and be touched by the memory of a great kid to remake their life.

Eww.  Leslie Visser pretty much just looks old, and fake.  Bring back Sam!  Bring back Sam!  Sam Ryan!  (Google her.  Mmmm…  No, not the Porn Star Samantha Ryan.  Well, wait….)

Man.  Larry Fitzgerald is lucky he’s huge and athletic, because he looks like a nerd in his glasses.   Darrelle Revis doesn’t even let Larry Fitzgerald catch the ball in jogging practice in suits.  Awesome.  “REVIS ISLAND” chants ensue.

Guy Fieri… meh.  He’s no Bobby Flay, who I watched dominate in Battle Avocado on Iron Chef America before going to sleep last night.  Putting Bobby Flay against a Canadian w/ the secret ingredient being Avocado just isn’t fair.  Not even a little bit!

Man.  They check the credentials of guys GETTING OFF OF THE TEAM BUSES!  Super Bowl security is tight, and rightly so.  But that seems a little excessive, yeah?  Who else could Dwight Freeney be, but Dwight Freeney?  Also, do you think they checked Peyton Manning, or just waved him through?

Who Dat!  Who Dat!  Who Dat! Who dat think they gonn’ beat dem Saints?!  YEAH!!!!!!

Sorry, the blog was getting pretty negative, and it’s the SUPER BOWL, BABY!  LIGHTEN UP!

Man… Robert Christy’s an 87 year old man whose house is just a foundation after Katrina.  I can’t even IMAGINE what he’s going through.    My feelings towards throwing money down New Orleans are generally negative, from a practical viewpoint, but I feel bad for the people, from a personal standpoint.  Makes it tough to be an asshole, when you put a face on the people.  Get some camera crews to Haiti, maybe there’ll be a few “Fuck Haiti, we have our own problems” espousers who can shut up for a moment.  I know I may appear  a hypocrite, but Haiti’s a whole country, not just one great city in a terrible location.

Question – if you’re Peyton Manning, do you resign with the Colts, or hit the Open Market and get PAID after next season?  It sure seems like Peyton will sign with the Colts, because he’s Peyton.

Oooh… in depth!  Referee scouting results from Charlie Casserly!

Scott Green is the Referee, he and the crews he leads kill false starts and offensive holding.  Let’s pay attention to that during the game, and feel fancy and elegant in our knowledge of football.

Dude.  Just saw a KGB commercial, and finally realized something neat – the girl in those ads has been on Scrubs, How I Met Your Mother, and the Big Bang Theory – 3 of my top 10 favorite TV shows, ever.  NICE.  Doesn’t hurt that she’s SMOKING hot.  Elizabeth Bogush.  Hubba!  Completely underrated hottie.

Hey!!! It’s Dubya and Slick Willy, here for Haiti.  How can you say no to THAT?  And if that isn’t enough, what about the kindergartners who gave their penny collection they were saving for an ice cream party who gave it Haiti instead?  Wowza, kids.  Just… wowza.

Drew Brees is in the building!  And so is Spike Lee.  Let’s get it Started!

I see Dwight Freeney’s “The league has no Defensive Faces” and raise him “Ray Lewis, Brian Urlacher, and Troy Polamalu.”  Just because you’re dominated on your own team by the NFL’s second most famous player (see: Favre, Brett) doesn’t mean that’s the case for the whole NFL.

15 Minutes until the 2-hour mark of the pregame, when we’ll take a short break to pee, grab a snack, etc.  Don’t worry, we WILL be back right after then.

Back to a return of Fitzgerald’s guest appearance on Revis Island as Cowher displays the bunch formation of the Saints.  Man, Fitzgerald is smart, too.  NERD! Except that he thinks the Colts will win.  I bet he thought the Cardinals were going to win last year, too……..

No Revis Island that time, baby.  TD faux-Saints!  Marino to Fitzgerald!  (How sexy of a combo would THAT have been?!)

Daughtry performs on the NFL Today stage, with their song “Life After You,” a pretty decent song – this is the first time I’ve heard it, though.  Apparently Daughtry isn’t considered Alternative Rock out here in Washington, which is probably for the best.   Silly Wisconnie.

And there’s good enough for 2 o’clock.  I’m a HUNGRY!  Catch you on the flip side, beyotches.