Super Bowl XLIV, Second Half

Our 2nd Half coverage opens up with a look at “The Backup Plan”, J-Lo’s ass’ return to the big screen.

Followed by an Air Force Reserve ad, and then Miller High Life’s first introduction, “Giving up their commercial to help out small business friends.”

Old Qwest ad w/ French language and classes.  Boring!  Silly locals.

Jay Z is back for the end of ‘Run this Town’ before the 2nd half.  Nice.

SAINTS RECOVER AN ONSIDE KICK TO OPEN THE 2ND HALF!  Sure looked like White ball.  It’s buried in the pile!

SAINTS BALL! SAINTS BALL!

Payton showing that sometimes you need a set of Big Brass ones to win the Super Bowl!  Geaux Saints! Johnathan Casillas with the recovery!

PT Cruiser with a checkdown, 12 yards to the Colts 45.  First down!  Henderson for 9.999 yards.  2nd down coming.  Henderson catches it twice, 1st down again.  Freeney’s getting re-taped on the sideline.

Peyton looks FURIOUS.  He might eat Jim Caldwell any second now.  Colston for 9.9999 yards.  Saints are killing the Colts with that play.

PT Cruiser gets the first down with a 7 yard pickup on the jog, per usual.  Screen to him, TOUCHDOWN SAINTS!!!!!!!!!  Boom Baby!!! Geaux Saints!  13-10 with Hartley’s PAT.

Sean Payton.  Big.  Brass.  Ones.

An Ad for Prince of Persia, starring Jake Gyllenhaal, which they filmed a long time ago.  Looks as badass as the video games.

Now Megan Fox sending pictures of her in the bath, looking super sexy.  An Ad for Motorola, I guess?

A chicken playing pool is apparently an advertise for Denny’s.

“Hey Ladies.  Call Barney Stinson. 1-877-987-6401″

Kickoff to the 6 to the Colts’ Chad Simpson, who returns it to the 23.

How big of a set of brass balls was that onsides kick?  The first non-4th quarter Onside kick… in the history of the Super Bowl.

Time for the Saints to step up, after giving up a first down to Dallas Clark.  Addai with an 11 yard run.

Addai with a 6 yard run.   Wow.  The Peyton 2000 is marching right down the field.

Colts 3rd and 5 from the 15.  Peyton 2000 in the shottie.  No one else in the backfield.  Tosses to Clark – First and Goal from the 4.  TD Joseph Addai.  Colts 17, N’Awlins 13.  What a ballgame!

Michelob Ultra sends out Lance Armstrong to convince us the badass athletes drink Michelob Ultra.

Chevy Chase comes out to speak against shady hotels for Homeaway.com.

Super Hot chick in rainy leather for Bridgestone, who is apparently attacking this super bowl with a fierce passion.

Now KGB makes an appearance with our favorite underrated Hot Chick, two nerdy dudes, and a Sumo Wrestler.  Huzzah!

Courtney Roby with another big old return, now back to commercials.

Nighttime Safari, anyone?  Bump into elephants while sleep walking when you drink Coca-Cola.  Also, pet hyenas, and walk across canoes as they cross hippo-infested rivers.

E*Trade baby!  Wolf-style, to impress a chick.

Saints from the 34.  PT Cruiser picks up 5 yards.  Mutant Reggie Bush with a check down takes it to the Colts’ 48.  Eeep!  Check Down to Reggie Bush bounces off his hands towards Clint Sessions.  Yipes!  Almost a TAINT.

Fake Draw to Mutant Reggie Bush, comeback throw to Devery Henderson, who’s having a nice game.  Toss over to Meachem for…. 1 yard, maybe?  barely anything.  PT Cruiser picks up 3.

Shockey to the 29, another long field goal for Hartley?  This one would be a super-bowl record 3 of over 40, Hartley… DRILLS ANOTHER ONE.  Historically proficient, is the young fella.  17-16, Indy still with the lead.

Boring Commercials – not really remembering what they’re representing there.  Still waiting for the Ads to take it to 11.

This kick is taken from deep in the end zone, but not really taken out to make it worth it. Colts ball at the 11!

The ad with all the cartoon characters and toys that isn’t new, but is an advertisement for the Kia Sorento.  *yawn*

Budweiser Select 55 shows off a condensationy bottle.  Lame ad, but I haven’t seen it before.

Colts open off with a pass for 9 yards, then their loose huddle offense where Peyton calls the plays where he wants to.  Donald Brown the deep back, he takes it for 5 yards and a first down.  The Colts are really running the ball well tonight.

4 Yards to Collie, whose the handsomest Mormom since Steve Young.

Jack in The Box makes an appearance after a lame ad for the Masters.  He bungee jumps and gets his ice-cream cone head stuck in the ground.

Another Air Force Reserve ad.

Garcon is wide open, and is marching down the field at the behest of Peyton 2000.  Addai stopped for a loss of 2.  Finally, the Saints D borrows Payton’s big brass ones and slows the Colts down a bit.

Stat block – Peyton and Brees are 1 and 2 in 4th quarter QB rating, at 115.4 and 113.5.  Damn!

Reggie Wayne’s been quiet tonight, lining up across from the awesomely haired Terry Porter.  3rd and long, throw over to Wayne for a 10 yard gain.  Peyton lines it up from 4th and 2, screen over to Wayne, who catches it on the quick slant.  Colts ball at the 32 of New Orleans.  1st and 10.

Wide Receiver Screen on 2nd down, eaten alive by Malcolm Jenkins!  Austin Collie gets swapped to Defense, knocks the ball away from Jon Vilma on 3rd down.  Stover from 51 yards.  No good.  Wide Left!!!  Saints Ball.  10:30 left in the game.

Beyonce is dancing for Wifi’s advertisement.  Also Dramatic Gopher.  and Ninjas.  And Aliens.  And Numa Numa guy.  And Facebook.  All for Vizio and their new Internet function.

Awesome + Awesome = Awesomer.  Thanks Pop Secret.

So far, Doritos is crushing in the best ad competition.  With reckless abandon.

Drew Brees with the ball at Indy’s 41.  Long run by Mutant Reggie Bush to open things off, taking the ball to Colts territory.

Peyton 2000 is about to be set to destroy mode – the Saints need to eat the clock here, as well as score.  Definitely a TD, definitely a 2 PAT.  Saints with 1st and 10 from the Colts’ 36.  Over to Mutant Reggie Bush for an 8 yard gain.  Colston at the 19, Saints in the Red Zone again.    Meachem on the scree, the ball down near the 14.

Pass to Thomas, 1st and goal from the 5!  PT Cruiser totes it to the 2!    TOUCHDOWN NEW ORLEANS!  JEREMY SHOCKEY!!!!!  The Offense stays on the field, as the Chart says to take 2 in this situation.  To make it 24-17, Drew Brees with a bunch formation right.  toss to Moore, but dropped.  Damn it!  Oh wait!  That replay looks like he had control and was across, and then the colt kicked it out of his hand.  The Saints ought to review that one.

A Calf wants to be a clydesdale for Budweiser, and we have the Clydesdale commercial.  “Nothing comes between Friends.”

The Saints are challenging the play on the field, this may be overturned, and make it 24-17.  2 POINTS!  GEAUX SAINTS!!!!!

Another Chicken commercial for Denny’s… but now with presidential chickens.

An add with tatoos on their faces for the show Criminal Minds – also known as the inferior Precursor to ‘Lie to Me”.

Colts ball at their 30 – best field position of the half, at least.  I think the day.  False Start added on to the very low number of penalties called and enforced so far.

Peyton 2000 just knitted a scarf, took his daily job, took a quick nap… and then found Carcon for a first down.

Oooh.. Malcom Jenkins almost took one away from Peyton!  Off his fingertips – that’s why he plays defense.

The Defense Death Robot recovers well, and has the Colts Marching again.

Yikes!  The Saints Defensive Tackle, Anthony Hargrove, is down.  Bad News!  Bad News!

YEAH YEAH Y:EAH SAINTS TAINT!!!!!!  TOUCHDOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Boo!  YEAH BABY!  Tracy Porter takes Peyton 2000 to the HOUSE!  His Hair made him do it.

Another New Doritos ad, with some sort of 80s workout and awesome nunchaku Dorito gy.

Geaux Saints!

Kickoff is 1 yard deep.  Holding on the Colts brings the ball back to – deep in their own territory, again.

Bud Light is back, with some sort of Hot Chick book club advertisement.

E*Trade baby is back, with 4 friends who all suck at Investments.

Boo Yeah!  Geaux Saints!  Dallas Clark drops it!   NOw he was wide open, ball out to the Colts’ 30, but tackled in bounds.

Go Daddy is back after the same lame shape-ups ad.  Are Go-Daddy ads too hot?  See there sight for more information.

Peyton 2000 checks to Addai, hurries up to check to him again.  Flag down on the play!

Interception in the End Zone!  Flag on the play!

Garcon pushed off, but he got Greer out of bounds so the INT doesn’t count.

Checkdown to Addai again.  Colts at the 3.  Ball tipped off the goal posts – Out of Bounds.

Addai stuffed at the five!    4th and goal!

PEYTON INCOMPLETE OVER THE MIDDLE!

THE SAINTS WIN!  SAINTS WIN!  SAINTS WIN!  SAINTS WIN!  SAINTS WIN!

DELIRIUM ON BOURBON STREET!

Victory Formation for Drewbie Drewbie Drew!!!!!  SAINTS WIN!  The Gatorade Bath!  The Saints WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111!!!

YEAH BUDDY!  SING IT WITH ME!

OH WHEN THE SAINTS!

GO MARCHING IN!

OH WHEN THE SAINTS GO MARCHING IN!

OH LORD I WANT

TO BE, IN THAT NUMBER!

WHEN THE SAINTS GO MARCHING IN!!!!

Live Blog Super Bowl XLIV Pregame, continued

And we’re back!  Maddie, the unloved puppy dog is being underfoot, trying to horn in on some Sun Chips.  What a little doggie skank!

OOh.  Good point.  Indianapolis sucks for resting their players and thus not going undefeated.  Fuck you, Indy.

Also, I feel obliged to apologize to Boomer Esiason, who I’ve been referring to as Phil Simms all afternoon, even while he got called Boomer over and over again… My bad – the Phil Simms Iron Man Team threw me off my game.  *headdesk*

Jim Nantz is going to be all over this Super Bowl.  Really the best in the business.  One good thing about the NFL on CBS is this guy.  If only it was Nantz and Chris Collingsworth doing the game – really the perfect duo to do any football contest.  If you disagree, then you’re probably wrong.  Just saying.

God, More Tebow.  Jesus Christ.  Jesus.  God.  Yahweh.  Allah.  Just seeing that commercial makes me want to take the Lord’s name in vain over and over again.

Why the hell is The Who playing the Super Bowl in 2010?    Was Frank Sinatra unavailable?  I’m sick of watching geriatric rock stars whose fame is over at halftime.  The Super Bowl is fun – not classic.  I love the Who – I just don’t need to see them live any more.  Sorry, Pete Townshend.  Sorry,  Roger Dalton.   You’re too old!  And half your band is dead.

“Brooklyn’s Finest” looks like a damn good cop movie, even if it is starring the Artist formerly known as Richard Gere.  Where’d they dig that guy up from?!

Jesus H. Christ.  God.  Allah.  Jesus.  Yahweh.

Man.  I want a job where people bring me pizza no matter if I’m awesome or not.  Shannon Sharpe – trade me!  Now!  I want pizza!

E*Trade Baby makes a guest appearance!  I love E*trade Baby…  Shankopotamus.

Reggie Bush is going to be awesome after he’s done with football.  Hopefully he’ll take Shannon Sharpe’s job.  Or Boomer’s.  Man I hate them!

You know what I think about when I’m watching the Super Bowl pregame?  “How is Barack Obama going to re-start the Health Care plan?”  Time and Place, CBS.  Ask him who he thinks he’s going to win, let him dodge the question so he doesn’t make it awkward if he’s wrong when the team which wins tonight meets him at the White House, and let’s move on.  It’s a tradition we’ve mastered, yet never touch.  The State of the Union was a week and a half ago, for Christ’s sake!  Who Dat!  Who Dat!

Next time, send James Brown instead of Katie Couric.  This interview has been all politics, and I wants me my football, DAMMIT!

Blah blah blah blah blah.  Jeez, louise.  Ask him about football.  Right now.  It’s a Football Day!  THE fucking Football Day!  Couric, you’re sucking the joy out of Super Bowl Sunday.  Knock it the fuck off.  Right now.

Empire, we officially ally ourselves with the Slapaho tribe.

DEAR JESUS!  IT’S A FOOTBALL QUESTION!  “Who do you think will win?  And why?”  “I think the Colts need to be favored, maybe because they have the best Quarterback, in History.  I mean, Peyton Manning is unbelievable, and they have a team with complete confidence in him.  Everybody knows the system, there’s enormous continuity with that team.  So, they are tough.  I do have a soft spot in my heart for New Orleans – mainly because of what that city’s been through over these last several years and how much that team means to them.”

“But I would say the Colts have to be favored.  One other factor I have to consider, is that when my Bears went to the Super Bowl a couple years ago, it was the Colts that beat ‘em, so I have a bit of an axe to grind there.”

And… Commercial.  One question about football, thrown in as an afterthought.  Fuck you, Katie Couric.

Some old guy (Steve Winwood) sings some song nobody’s ever heard of (“Bring me a Higher Love”, but is apparently one of his “Hits.”  This is how you get out of your Katie Couric funk, CBS?  I’m losing confidence in your capabilities, and very, very quickly.

Coach Cowher’s in jail with Plaxico Burress – when we get back from this break.  Of course there’s a commercial.  Grr.  I’m surprised Tony Dungy isn’t involved somehow, though.

“mmm… Peyton Manning.  Not even hot, but his… bearing makes him sexy.  In My mind.” — The Imperial Mother.

Bill Cowher is TALL!  Like, nearly as tall as the 6’6″ Plaxico Burress.  Wow.  Did not ever notice that.

“The first thing I do, when I wake up, is I just get on my knees and pray.” — Plaxico Burress.  Sorry, is that what they’re calling it in prison these days?  Sorry, I can’t not make that joke.

Phil Mickelson’s New Diablo Edge driver says the New Orleans Saints will win, via the ball with N.O. written on it going farther after he hits it.  Wowza.  If Lefty hits it, it must be true.  I read it in a book somewhere.

“He is the cutest little shit.  Goood!” — The Imperial Mother, on 4 year old Peyton Manning.  I think she’s developing a big ol’ fashioned crush!

“I never defended the decision, so much as accepted the decision, and we moved on from it.” — Peyton Manning, on not pursuing 19-0.  He might as well come out and call Jim Caldwell an “Idiot Coach.”  We all know he’s thinking it.

Archie Manning appearances start!  We’re at 1!  He’s rooting for the Colts, but calls the Saints “We.”  Bullshit, Archie.  We know your blood is bleeding gold and not blue.

Oh… Miss South Carolina 2007.  Is it really you on the Amazing Race?  Is it true?  It is!  She’s totally going to be abducted in Laos or Malaysia and sold for her idiot little parts.  I can’t wait!  Does that make me a bad person?  No matter.  Onwards!

The Stadium is filling up, now.  Man, I wish I were famous and could afford to go to the Super Bowl.

Nooo.  Katie Couric is back to talk to Drew Brees.  Ugh.  Football!  Football!  Football!  Nope.  Time for another piece on how New Orleans was destroyed in 2005.  Sad and all, but I’ve had enough.  I want my football, and I want in depth predictions on who’s going to win, how many yards Peyton’s going to pass for, how many touchdowns Reggie Bush is going to score, and how many points the Saints are going to score.  How hard is that, CBS?  I don’t remember NBC wasting everyone’s time last year!  (Of course, they probably did.)

I remember lots of interviews with Network celebrities on their thoughts on the game.  I liked that.  NBC just does football better, pregames included.  CBS – you officially suck.  Give up your AFC contract, please, and the Super Bowl as well.  Gracias.

Hehe… Brees-us.  Nice, N’awlins.  Nice.  Drew Brees’ wife is pretty damn cute, too.  NICE!  I choose NFL quarterback as my reason for fame.

Their dedication to avoiding Brees’ birthmark during this piece is pretty remarkable – I wonder if he had anything to do with it.

Okay, seems to be gearing up towards the ‘kickoff’ show.  Predictions after another commercial break.

…

…

Okay!  First up is…

Dan Marino.  His call: 33-30 Indy over N’Awlins in OT.  Who Dat cheers rock the stadium.  The white jerseys are the de facto home team.

Bill Cowher.  His call: 27-24 N’Awlins, with a Union Jack Who Dat!

Shannon Sharpe.  His call: 34-28 Indy, despite Reggie Bush taking a punt back to take the lead late.

Boomer.  His call: 34-30 Indy.

My call?  New Orleans.  41-31.  New Orleans puts the dagger in the Colts with a late game drive.

Immediate pregame and kickoff up next!  Team Intros, National Anthem, the works.