The Empire Chooses a National Sport

Hello, Subjects.  Did you miss my benevolent gaze?

I’ll understand if you did.  It’s quite the gaze.  Big, brown doe eyes and all of that.  “How you doin’?”

Anyways, I’ve been sitting here, watching the Not-Quite-So-Special Olympics – what most of the rest of you would refer to as the Winter Olympics.  And I’ve noticed a few things – the Dutchies and South Koreans love Speed Skating.  Canadians love Hockey (But suck at it – Go America!  FUCK YEAH!).  And Nobody at all likes some bizarre bumblefuckery known as ‘Curling’?  That has nothing curled, and has little to no actual actions to justify ending the verb in ‘-ing.’

Then there’s Alpine Skiing, and Freestyle skiing – both of which are awesome.  And Snowboarding – also awesome.  Yet not quite worthy of our excellent empire.

No.  We’re taking this shit to 11.  We’re combining racing and the awesomeness of skiing and snowboarding.

Our Imperial Sport is henceforth Snowboardcross.  Watch and delight!  (Though, you know… all the medals have been awarded in it.  So watch it later.  Huzzah!)